the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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