I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Hippo gnu deer
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
