He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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