my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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