I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
