Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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