I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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