i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
