I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
