I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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