I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
