Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
