R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
