I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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