just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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