did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
