I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
COCAINE IS GR8
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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