This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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