I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
