You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
