gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
