I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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