Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
