After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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