If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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