Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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