So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
