my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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