Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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