It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
