The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
