I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
