The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
All the doctor said was why
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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