There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I deserve this hangover.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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