he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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