I bet he comes in French.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
