Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
