I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
