theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize