Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
