I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
