the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
