I puked a lego.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
