Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
