Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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