Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
