dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
