I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
