so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
