i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
