apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
