these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
