Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
