apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
