I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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