if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
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This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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