highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
