I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
