Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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