So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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