we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
