I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
