Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
