Got a toothbrush?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
