yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
