I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think my vagina is haunted
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
