youre lurking in front of me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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