Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
smell my finger.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
