Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
