Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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