I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
