Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
