This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
